What To Do When You Cant Focus On What You Need To Get Done?

What To Do When You Cant Focus On What You Need To Get Done?

Anytime I feel super distracted, or I can’t focus, I turn to writing. It may sound weird but when there is nothing else I am able to do, I write. It clears my mind, helps me to calm down and makes me feel like I am doing something productive and my time is not wasted.

I was “fighting” a major fly problem today. Yes, I am talking about flies. The real flying little monsters. And I know it sounds stupid considering what is happening all around the world but this fly problem from a real-life situation helped me realize that sometimes there are no actual flies involved but we feel like something is circulating around our heads, we can’t get rid off it no matter where we go at our home. We can even go out for a walk but when we come back home, the flies are still there.

These flies can be our doubts, our distractions, our fears, our procrastination.

Aaaaaaghrfhgkgalk. If there was just a button to turn them off.

Right?!

If you find yourself distracted, doubting what you are doing, afraid of the future, thinking about Hart of Dixie instead of your business plan or fighting the real insects. STOP. I’ll tell you a secret.

Some days simply suck.

And you know I am more of a *glass half full* kinda gal but it’s ok to admit to yourself that some days just suck and you won’t be able to focus and do the amazing job you always do.

I spent half of the day running around, stressing out how am I gonna kill the flies or get all of the work done with them around. And it was pointless. Useless. And completely wasted time.

Do you think I got something done?

Well, yes, I did finish a color palette and a proposal for a new branding client. But I didn’t feel the best about it. And anything other than that? NO.

And let me tell ya I had a looooooong to-do list. Because I got a master plan for the magical October.

what to do when you cant focus

Am I gonna spend the whole night working, stressing out, working again and just being annoyed by the whole situation? NO.

I know I got to the point where I won’t be able to focus today anymore. And as much as I am on board with finishing up your work in advance, being ahead of your plans and feeling like I am on top of my game I also know “pushing” is not the way. I don’t want to end up hating what I am doing.

So how not to feel like a failure at the end of the day? #katessecretrecipe

  1. Think of 5 things that you are proud of yourself you managed to do although you were distracted (e.g. writing this post, finishing the color palettes, writing the proposal, posting on my business Insta Story, cleaning up the kitchen)
  2. Play “How could this be worse” game and think of 5 worse life situations that could be happening to you (e.g. the flies would be cockroaches; you could be fighting with fire, you could get shot, you know where am I going with this…)
  3. Make a Plan B for the next day in case the flies don’t just die during the night (e.g. Frank & Joe’s coffee shop it is)
  4. Make a plan to kill the flies (well I sent my husband for some “fly killers” but if your flies are doubts, keep on reading)

If your flies are not just flies

  1. What is your fly? Is it a doubt, fear, procrastination, family matter..? What is the feeling connected with it?
  2. What is the CONCRETE matter (e.g. “I worry that I won’t make $4000 at the end of the month” or “I am procrastinating because I am scared that if I start I fail/I don’t want to face xyz reality/Idon’t know where to start” or “I am scared I won’t pass this test”)
  3. Look what you wrote under the point #2 and ask yourself IS THIS TRUE? How is this worrying helping you achieve what you want?
  4. I can assure you it is not true. So get your butt up and start working on the change!
  5. Can’t get over the point #2? Message me. I am serious. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Or even if you know me. I will help you figure this out. Just because I believe I am telling you the truth.

I hope you didn’t get super confused in my fly allegory and that you kick some flies! BTW I feel like Make Money By Being Who You Are is your next step. 

 

Love,

Kate

Blessings Come In All Kinds Of Disguises

Blessings Come In All Kinds Of Disguises

Blessings come in all kinds of disguises.

In June of 2016, I packed my bags and me and my son moved to Florida from Illinois. I transferred my job down there and planned to look for a better paying job once we were there.

My daughter who had recently graduated college was accepted into Art Institute of America and was going to move down in early August. Everything seemed to take a complete turn a week after I moved.

I was having a hard time finding a babysitter and it was going to be an entire month before my job could get me work. Then I found out my daughter no longer wanted to attend Ai because her loans were not enough to cover her room and board.

Everything just seemed to come crashing down around us. As much I did not want to move back to Illinois I packed my bags and headed back. My oldest sister called me on my way back and asked if I would be interested in going to Branson, Mo with her. Of course, I said yes because it was somewhere besides back home.

We were set to leave for Branson on July 1st. I had put a deposit down on a place for us to stay all we had to do was show up. The day before we were supposed to leave I received a job offer with a company that paid decent, offered full-time hours, and excellent benefits. I was stuck. What do I do now? Of course, my sister encouraged me to take the job. Even though the job involved working a warehouse I really wasn’t crazy about it but felt led to accept the offer.

blessings come in all kinds of disguises

Shauna is a Blogger at ShaunaColeman.com and very inspiring person.

She has 3 beautiful children and got recently married to a love of her life.

Her blog has multiple challenges and lot of cool materials to help women to change their mindset on her website! Go and check her out! 

In August I decided or shall I say I felt led to start dating again. This was a huge step for me because I had been through so much with men in the past. In September I met the man I would later marry.

Looking back I would have never met him if everything would have been peaches and cream and I stayed in Florida or moved to Branson as planned. We met in September, got engaged in November, and was married June 30th, 2017.

I don’t want to get all gushy on you but he is a pretty amazing man. He has taught me so many things like how to not be selfish or self-centered. He has taught me was love really is. He makes me want to be a better person. The best part is my kids love him and he loves them.

He completes me and I complete him. We are so different yet we balance one another. When I thought everything was going downhill and I was going to be stuck in a state I hate working a job I wasn’t crazy about my entire world changed in an instance. My husband, my blessing, taught me how to love life and have fun.

NOTE from Kate: It’s unbelievable how sometimes the things that suck the most turns out to be a huuuuuuge blessing. I am SO happy Shauna decided to share her personal story because it takes a courage to talk about your personal life, challenges and maybe even about the low points of your life.

If you liked this story, get ready for next Thursday for another one. (Unless Divi makes another update that will make it impossible for me to upload it…. AKA I am not blaming you, Elegant Themes, at all!)

And in the meantime, check out Shauna’s awesome inspirational blog HERE or read the previous story from Teresa HERE. 

Make Money By Being Who You Are

Make Money By Being Who You Are

Let me tell ya, to stay who you are in this digital world is the hardest thing ever!

What?!

Well, let me explain. And you better read it until the end! (Ok, I am kidding you don’t have to but honestly, it won’t make any sense to you if you don’t, so just do it! Or don’t read it at all, also an option :D).

It is suuuuuper freaking easy to pretend you have the best life ever. And if you don’t have the right pictures, you look for some stock photos. And if you don’t have enough likes, you simply get into huge Instagram pod* where people have to like your pictures and comment on them.

*Nothing against pods, I actually met amazing people there and although we are not part of any pods anymore, I still love to be in touch with them. 

Is it really you?

It is super easy to pretend you are cool, successful and even rich when you only have $5 on your bank account. Because… as long as you have internet nobody really knows how are you living. (I know that sounds totally contradictory but think about it… when you are no longer posting about your a-mazing life… that’s suspicious, isn’t it?!)

And on the other hand, it is freaking tough to write what you really think when every second thought is “what would other people think”, “ah, I know this person is going to judge me” or “what if they think I am completely insane?”, “maybe I should do what this super sweet girl is doing, it seems to be working for her”.

Or when you are creating a content “I should say everything is awesome and this way nobody gets offended because I want people to like me” Or “what should be my writing style like (aka my voice), what would most people prefer?”.

Yep, it’s seriously tough if you need to keep in mind all of the other people’s thoughts and opinions… and especially when THEY probably don’t know what they like!

make money being who you are

I hope you’re not confused, dear.

Actually, I don’t like when somebody calls ME “dear”. Unless it’s a deer. So I am taking the dear deer back.

Now you must think I am a total freak, maybe fake and social media obsessed.

I am not.

Eeeh maybe a little social media obsesses freak but not fake.

I was just trying to tell you everything that went through my mind ever since I wanted to go online. And not just once. Even now, it still comes sometimes (but I kick its butt).

 

Make money being who you are

So, if you have your business, blog, your freelance profile or you are about to get one of those. Don’t worry what other people think about you or what they “might think”. Because honestly, they might not think anything at all because people are mostly concerned about themselves.

Ok, that’s not really supportive.  Let me try again.

Just be who you are. Even if you are the biggest weirdo there is. Yes, there will be people who won’t like you, who won’t follow you, who won’t buy from you. But there will be people that will.

And it won’t happen overnight because you gotta put yourself out there and then people have to start trusting, you, liking you. etc.

In the meantime, when you hit the people who are not your biggest fans… think about it from a different perspective. Do you like pepperoni pizza? Do you like sausage pizza? Do you like them all? Nobody likes them all, who are you kiddin’. Have you ever had pizza with olives, arugula and goat cheese? I thought it sounded gross and then I had it and I love it now!

So maybe you are the pizza people don’t know they like yet.

One more thing. You won’t please everyone so you might as well just please yourself by making it easier for you. Being natural. Being YOU.

BTW if you are not part of our community yet, you can fix it right now. Just click HERE. And make sure you check out our #bloggeroftheweek!

 

xoxo,

Kate

Sticking With Your Decision Is Hard! Is It?

Sticking With Your Decision Is Hard! Is It?

Ok, seriously. It’s Sunday evening and I just realized I have some posts ready but NONE of them is for this Monday. I don’t know how about you but for me that means a panic attack. My heart is beating that loud that I can’t even hear my own voice and pumping out of my chest like in the Tom & Jerry cartoon show. And then there is also that little evil voice whispering “you don’t have to post anything, nobody is going to notice, who cares, just drink another glass of wine and everything will be fine”. Hmm…

What would YOU choose?

There have been SO many times when I went for the glass of wine. But I am a big girl now so I am typing this AND having another glass of wine (so if you see some typos, those are not typos, it’s called fashion now).

Let me tell ya, sticking with your decisions is sometimes pain in the *** (you know where).

Especially, if your plan was just chilling on the couch and watching some Game of Thrones (ok, that’s definitely not chilling because I think GoT is stressing me out even more than planning our wedding ceremony in the Czech Republic while I’m living in the U.S.).

You know, it doesn’t matter if it’s Sunday night, your vacation or an important deadline you have to meet in your 9 to 5 job. Or your cousin’s wedding, your new house, blah blah blah… Because there will be always something why not to stick with your decisions, why not to follow your passion, why not to do this.

THERE WILL BE ALWAYS SOME BUT.

sticking with your decision

(Not a butt! What are you thinking about?! Although now that I am thinking about it, if there is some super cute butt maybe that would be ok to postpone your dream for a little bit)

Ok, ok, back to the serious stuff.

Where was I? Yes, sticking with your decisions is tough and sometimes it feels like you are being tested. And most likely, you are. But don’t let anybody else distract your from your goal or you dream life. They might not understand why you are not on the family Skype every Sunday or why you are not sitting by the TV with them (whoever that might be) or why you simply say “no” to your cousin’s wedding planning when usually you would say yes because “that’s what you do”.

This is your chance. And if you put it (yourself, your dream, your dream business….) on the second place with the very first opportunity… well, maybe ask yourself if you even want it. Seriously.

 

Love,

Kate

 

P.S. It’s 5:15 AM on Monday and I am awake because 1) honey, you are a freaking dinosaur at 4:15 in the morning (yes, I am talking to my husband and thanks God this time is not usual) and 2) I had to finish the graphics, implement the SEO… and each of us choses their own battles and this was mine. 

How I’ve Been Treating Men & Women Differently Without Realizing It

How I’ve Been Treating Men & Women Differently Without Realizing It

Years ago, back when I was in high school, I had a boyfriend cheat on me with a friend of mine. I found out on Valentine’s Day. The school was doing this thing where classes would be interrupted by a student delivering valentines. It was a big public display thing and I can’t remember exactly what happened, but one of them sent the other one a valentine.

That’s how I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my friend. It might not be as bad as walking in on them having sex or being left at the altar, but it was still one of my most painful experiences. I found out in a very public way. I was humiliated, and betrayed by two people in my life. That day, I also started to learn that friends in our group knew. The betrayal multiplied over and over. For a person who has a hard time trusting people enough to let them in, it was a betrayal that hit incredibly hard. 

 

Moving On

Over time, I started to move on and pretty much forgive the friends in the group who knew but never told me. I even started to move on, accept, sorta forgive, and even take back that boyfriend. The thing is, he cheated on me repeatedly, and I kept taking him back. After years of having this dysfunctional relationship of being on and off or sometimes sex buddies, I realized I needed to do something on a big scale to jolt out of it and break-free. I moved cities. While overall it was a great move for me, it was not the most healthy or effective way of dealing with the problem.

You know that female friend of mine, other than a drunk conversation I had with her once, I never spoke to her again. Even years later when she friend requested me on Facebook, I shut that down.  Why did I treat a cheating boyfriend who hurt me, better than a cheating female friend who hurt me?

I’ve looked back at my reactions and decisions in different situations during my life. One thing that seems to pop up quite often is how I have a double standard for men and women. I never noticed this before.

treating men women differently

Teresa Carnegie is the person behind Dapsile.

A new resource web-site created to help people, with a little bit of everything. It provides information, product reviews and business services. The site is continuously growing and has just added ‘A Different Point of View’ section for writers, artists, and outspoken creative people to share their work. 

Teresa brings to Dapsile, an ingrained need to help people, with the added belief that the more we share, the more we help others. That and her love of learning, travel, eating and trying new things, to name a few. 

Apparently, men who have hurt me very rarely have any repercussions. The women who hurt me though, well, I go full out, never speak to them again mode. Why? Why do I basically allow this treatment from men but punish women.

Self Analysis

Realizing I’ve been treating men and women differently, has caused me to do a lot of analysis for a why. Do I just expect to be treated this way by men? Am I naturally expecting women, or even just my female friends, to be more trustworthy? Is this because as a society, men’s behavior is expected to be bad but women are generally expected to be more trustworthy and maternal?

I think it is definitely partly due of society. All you have to do it is read the news around the world to hear of men not being punished for crimes against women. It happens everywhere, and a lot. If men have no repercussions in society for their behavior and actions what does that teach the rest of us. Maybe that is why I hold women up to a higher standard. They aren’t men.

 

 

Owning It

I don’t think I can just blame society for my behavior though. I try to treat people equally, and I expect to be treated equally back. It shouldn’t be any different when men and women hurt me. I think my behavior over the years can be explained by going back to that high school cheating boyfriend. By figuring out why I basically let him cheat on me, when I accepted him back into my life every time, it helped me understand why I let men go without repercussions after they have hurt me. And why I kept falling into the same pattern of dating. Unfortunately, I didn’t figure it out for years, but once I did, it all made sense. The realization has helped me work on changing and treating men and women equally when they hurt me. In every aspect of life, not just female friends and boyfriends.

I didn’t realize it back then but that high school cheating boyfriend, I loved him more than I loved myself.

I made him more important than me and I put him first.

I might be better at loving myself now, but treating myself as important as others, is something I am still working on.

 

NOTE from Kate: Teresa is a very kind person and it was amazing collaborating with her. Especially, since she said it got her thinking about herself more. Part of that was the questions I have asked her. And this is what makes me happy :).

Get ready for next post in the TEAm EFFORTs category.  And in the meantime GO ahead and check out her website!

 

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